Two Snitches And A Broomstick
by diehardsaiyukifangirl
Summary: Just a pointless laugh your ass off, doesn't make sense fanfic, designed for just that, for you to laugh your ass off.
1. Malfoy And His Broomstick

Two Snitches And A Broomstick 

A/N: This is my first Harry Potter FanFicion ever! So go easy on me. This is a joint porject with 'Mother of Miroku's Child' and me. You can also view this Fanfiction on her name. Be sure to review. Thanks.

P.S. When I say "Dun dun nun" or something like that I mean the Harry Potter song it kinda sounds like dun nun nun nun nun. Ya' know the one in the movies? Well that's what I mean. Also there's lot's of OOCness.

* * *

Dun nun nun nun nun nun Dun nun nun nun. Music plays as they slowly zoom in on Hogwarts. Then the picture quickly zooms in past the school walls and into Harry's room where he can be seen waving his head back and forth with his mouth gaping singing retardidly "Dun nun nun nun nun nun Dun nun nun nun."

The the camera continues zooming in past his room to Ron's room where he is seen eating candies while humming "Dun nun nun nun nun nun Dun nun nun nun."

The camera continues zooming in until it reaches Hermoine's room which is filled with hundreds of scrolls that all say "Dun nun nun nun nun nun Dun nun nun nun" then Hermoine is seen writting "Dun nun nun nun nun nun Dun nun nun nun."

tHE nEXT dAY

Harry, Ron, & Hermoine were walking to potions class. Malfoy past Harry in the halls then pulled him aside. Then Malfoy whispered in Harry's ear "Hey Potter did you know my dick was 8 inches?"

Harry turned to Malfoy shocked, blushed and scrambled away looking flustered. Malfoy laughed and contiued walking.

All the students walked in and sat down. Harry, Ron, & Hermoine sat next to each other of course. Snape picked up a potion bottle to begin explaining to the class when he spilled a small amout of potion on himself.

"Omigawd! I just spilled potion on brand new black dress!" Screamed Snape in a high pitched voice, shocking everyone.

"I mean I ehem I errm...spilled potion all over my black umm... trecnchcoat! Yeah trench coat, ya' know my great grandfather gave it to me, yeah...real important! Anyway." Snaped faltered his voice suddenly becoming deeper.

Then with a flick of his wand and a few mumbles everyody's memory was erased, except Neville who was standing outside the door watching it all, good thing he had been running late. Neville quietly slipped unseen by all, into a seat.

The rest of potion class went along normally, everyone having forogtten the previous incident. Except poor Neville who was left with the haunting knowledge of what had happened.

That day when Snape was grading papers he handed Malfoy's back with a huge F on the front. He walked up to Malfoy and whispered "Ooh F we need to talk about your grades, call me." He winked and walked away without anybody noticing.

Malfoy only smiled.

lATER oN tHAT dAY iN tHE cOMMON rOOM

Harry was in the common room furiously trying to figure out potion homework. Hermoine nor Ron where there to help him they had made up some lame excuse. Harry wondered where they had went but didn't give it much thought.

tHE nEXT dAY

Once again they were on they're way to potions class. Once again Malfoy had pulled him aside but this time he whispered,

"I had wet dream about you last night." Harry turned bright red, gaged, then took off towards potion class. When they arrived Snape was looking in the mirror at his butt.

When Snape realized the class was there he excclamied "Does this make my butt look big?" In a high vally girl voice.

Unsure of what to say the class answered "Maybe." Furious he stomped off but not before casting a spell to make them forget yet again.

Once everyone had forgotten and they went to sit down they relized Professor Snape was not there. The whole class they talked and played around. Snape had never showed up and obviously none of the teachers knew he was missing.

But Harry wasn't about to complain.

When Harry went to lunch that day Ron and Hermoine were missing. They were missing at dinner too. When they went to the common room Ron and Hermoine had made up yet another excuse not to be there, Harry was beginning to wonder.


	2. Grafitti & Getting Stalked

A/N: How about the previous chapter? I want counts fingers6 reviews or no update for you! Yay! Chicken! By the wat I stole a small part from the Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy. Gomen Nasai forgive me it was to iressistable. 

12:13 AM oUTsIDE oF hARRY'S dORM

Malfoy was outside of Harry's dorm trying to write "Malfoy Was Here" only one problem. He forgot how to spell his name. He knew he'd reconize his name if he saw it written so he started with A. He wrote A, realized that couldn't be the first letter of his name so he crossed that out. Then he wrote B then crossed that out, then C crossed that out, and went through the whole alphabet until he came to M.

mEANwHILe oUTsIDE hARRY's wINdOW.

"7:15 AM Harry's still sleeping. I've been watching him for three hours now and he's still sleeping! Dammit he's still sleeping! When the hell is he gonna wake up?" Shouted Lord Voldermort. The loud shout woke Harry up, which startled Voldermort causing him to lose conetration, breaking the hovering spell and causing him to fall hundreds of feet to the ground with a thud.

bACK oUTsIDE oF hARRy'S dORm

Malfoy used that method for every letter of his name he was on Y when Harry walked out at about 7:20 AM.

"Malfoy what are you doing?" Asked Harry.

"Umm...umm...stuff!" Mafloy yelled nervously then he took off running down the hall. Harry looked up at the wall. "Malfo has been here."

'Malfo? Who's Malfo?' Wondered Harry then headed toward the common room, even though he saw Malfoy outside of his dorm near the grafitti.

'They're wasn't even class today why am I getting up so early?' Harry wondered as he headed toward the common room after getting dressed.

"7:25 AM I accedentally woke Harry up, but he didn't see me, good thing too. I don't want him to know I'm stalking him. Whoa! He just blinked! Whoa! He blinked again. I think he has some sort of blinking problem. Wow! He using those thing ummm...yeah legs, to like walk. He's using his legs to walk! Amazing.

Harry himself had prettyodd day. As he was leaving lunch he bumped into Ron which he hadn't seen all day.

"Ron were've ya' been all day Mate?"

"Oh around I 'spose." He said while sucking on something.

"Whatch'ya eatin' asked Harry out of pure curiosity. "An everlasting gumstopper." Replied Ron.

"I know they don't really last forever! I know!" Then he walked away shaking.

'What was up with everyone lately? Where is Hermoine I haven't seen her all day either!' Thought Harry.

As if on cue Hermoine sped past him. He chased after he for a few seconds till he caught up with her then pulled her aside. "Hermoine where have you been?"

"Well I found this cubix cube thing and well..." She started holding up the black cube with colored square stickers on it.

"I can't do it! No matter how hard I try no matter which way I turn it, it just doesn't fit no matter what! It's driving me crazy Harry. I don't want to use magic to do it. You'd think I'd be smart enough to figure this out on my own but...I can't!"

Harry just stared. "Well by Harry I'll figure this out eventually!" Then she sped off again.

'Great so Ron's obsessed withh a piece of candy and Hermoine's obsessed with a cube! It figures!' Harry though to himself.

He went up to his dorm praying he didn't pass Malfoy and luckily he didn't. He arrived at his door and opened it, walked in and sat on his bed. He was quickly distracted by mumbling.

"1:24 PM Harry just got finished eating lunch. He met up with Ron and Hermoine but they didn't talk for long. He's walking upstairs to his dorm. Okay, now he's sitting on his bed. Now he's looking at me. Shit! He see's me!"

"Hey is that Voldermort?"

"No." Replied Voldermort.

"Oh really? Then who is it?"

"This is Lord Moldy Butt!"

"Oh sure, I believe you." Answered Harry sarcastically. "Really Voldermort I mean stalking me now? Don't you think that's a bit obsessed?"

"No." He replied.

"Het why'd you answer my question if you Lord Moldy Butt not Voldermort.

"Oh yeah...well bye!" As he was dissapearing Harry ran to the window and looked out he saw pink Death Eaters dissapearing with him.

'Pink? What was the world coming to?' Wondered Harry.

tHE nEXt dAy

Harry awoke wondering if what he saw yesterday was a dream or no but when he saw a shadow dissapearing from his window, and soft mummbling, he know he hadn't.

When Harry told Ron and Hermoine about how Voldermort was stalking him and pretending to be Lord Moldy Butt. They laughed and said "Good joke." He tried to explain he was serious but they only laughed more!

'I think they think I'm crazy.' Thought Harry.

"During breakfast Ron ate nothing and Hermoine ate little. Ron because he still had the everlasting gumstopper and he refused to take it out of his mouth and Hermoine because she was still trying to figure out the Cubix Cube.

The whole day they didn't speak about much else, Harry tried to convince them Voldermort was stalking him again but they wouldn't believe him.

One the way to potions Malfoy pulled him aside yet again and whispered "Nice ass." Harry suddenly felt sick and ran fo the bathroom. Malfoy on the other hand walked away snickering.

'What was up with Malfoy lately?' Harry wondered, still partiaclly shocked.

During class when Snape had asked the class a question Hermoine's hand shot up as usual, but instead of calling on her he said.

"Oh looooook! It's miss I know everything about absolutely nothing!"

"But Profess-

"Yes miss I know everything about nothing?" He would call her that every time she raised her hand and she eventually gave up.

Harry looked out the window instead of paying attention to what Snape was saying. Then He saw what looked to be Hedwig and pig making out!

He practically gaged, then turned around, he didn't look out the window the rest of that day.


End file.
